Who pays for the date?

I am going to write like an African girl who understands African gender roles. I am a Nigerian who was born and bred in Nigeria.

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Buhari not being President enough for Nigerians is one national problem.

Who gets to pay for a date between two adults is another national problem.

Most adults in the female folk believe that the XY chromosomes are supposed to foot the date bill no matter what. They say it is an African thing, and since most African men have this ego and patriarchy thing going on with them, it’s only right they pay for everything. Some men are in total agreement with it. Team “I am the MAN, it’s only right I pay.”

There are the men who are of the opinion that since the date is between two adults (adults are supposed to be responsible, you know?), the bill has to be split, after all both parties participated equally in whatever was enjoyed. They say that if women are going to preach independence, they may as well start living the attitude. Some women are part of this flow, and are totally cool with it.

There are also those who stand on the argument that whoever takes whoever out on the date has to be and must be the one to foot the bill. More like a whoever the date is more important to must be ready to foot the bill thing, irrespective of gender. If the man suggests a hangout or a date to the woman, he pays for everything, transport fare to the place might or might not be includsive, and vice-versa.

Then there are the ones who say that for the first date, one person pays the bill while the other reciprocates for the second. Not everyone is with this one anyway because “they could take you to an upscale restaurant for the first date, and then you reciprocate with a buka experience for the second.”

There have been many fights, break ups, quarrels between adults because of this issue of who pays on the date, and for the date.

You see why I callled it a national problem? If you think it isn’t one yet, I don’t know again.

Well, well, well… I know you are already wondering what I think about all of these? I can’t wait to tell you about it.

This thing. This bill issue thing, is quite simple to handle but because we are Africans (including those who have gone international and the ones who haven’t), we have almost react to same issue with similar attitudes. Something about how we grew up.

In this case, we all agree to tne man being the head of the house (at least most of us). Even when we can see clearly that it’s the woman paying all of the bills and trying to keep the family financially afloat, we still say the man is the head of the home. She would even agree to this almost immediately – agree to her husband being the head of the home. That was just an instance of how we view issues. We here are mostly traditional, and since the man is considered the head here, most of us females feel it is only right he pays for the dates also. Most males feel it’s also only right for them to pay for the date, as well as do the chase involved. Here, they were brought up to take on responsibilities, and any man who cannot pay for a date might be seen as incompetent by females and males alike.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, I am writing as a Nigerian who knows how this works.

All of that stated, who pays on a date is a simple thing. For me, it all boils down to MUTUAL AGREEMENT. If I am in a relationship, I can take my man out on a date fully funded by yours truly. It’s really no biggie for me if I have money. You could do same (I expect so), and we could still split bills. No biggie. It’s OUR THING and we don’t care who paid for the last one. I know there are people who think this way too, so I don’t think bills are major problems in real relationships.

It becomes a national issue when it isn’t part of a relationship, especially for two persons who are still in the “let’s meet” stage.

Picture this date in your head: One between a man who is of the orientation that the bill must be split and a woman who is used to fully-funded dates which doesn’t make her purse sweat. Just picture it. That’s all I need you to do.

Okay, I have gone on couple of dates to understand how these things work, so you can call me an authority on “dateships”, lol. I have been on ones fully funded by the other person; ones where we had to split bills and ones that were funded by me.

I know some girls would scream at the last part. Like I said, I am Nigerian and I understand the gender roles here, so I won’t bite you. I love the chase too. I love to be traditional too. I love to be asked out on dates that are fully funded too, only that I’m not built that way psychologically (execpt it’s a relationship, to be honest). I have had to learn my lessons the right way maybe.

These things could go either ways. I have had to cut off somebody from my life just because he wanted me to take him on a date. I didn’t have a problem with the date part, I mean, if I had money to spare (which I hardly ever have), I could have made it happen or we could have just split bills. My problem with the whole thing was how he kept on saying “Behave like the feminist you preach, take me out na”. Sorry not sorry, but I don’t have respect for this kind of men. I hate when people abuse privilege.

Let me tell you a story that isn’t about me. I only made cameo appearances in it. It anyway explains how much I hate when people abuse privilege.

In those days as a university student, I had a friend who would always come to stay at mine for the weekends. She came to my room for one of these many weekend getaways, and I was only glad for the company because I had had a hard week (Pun fully intended. Don’t mess with me).

That Friday, we were talking about everything when a guy buzzed her and wanted to know if she was free for a casual date. She wanted me to come with her, but nehh, I didn’t feel like a hangout in fifty years (then). Plus, unless you get paid handsomely to be a third-wheeler, nobody likes to be one. Me especially. She asked where they were meeting up, he mentioned. I told her to ask him how the casual date was going to work.

Sorry not sorry but I am a lot into details. I want to always know the set parameters for my dates while we allow the other parts happen by themselves. If you have experienced wicked surprises before, you’d probably understand. Wait until you’ve had your almighty facebeat with slay clothes and already waiting for your date at Zenbah, only for him to tell you that he’s in faraway Abuja and had his flight delayed! Me, I’d have known about the Abuja part beforehand, and we’d have to reschedule until you are in Lagos. You can’t keep me waiting and stranded like that. Don’t argue with me please. I love surprises, just not this type.

I have derailed so much. Sigh.

She asked him though, and he just texted “Come, I got it covered”. We dressed her up until she was looking as classy casual can get. We got a taxi and I bade her goodbye expecting her that night. She left some minutes after 6pm. I resumed pressing my phone and replying random messages, while she was giving me deets from her end when she could.

Some minutes to 11 pm, she texted me “EBERE, HE WANTS ME TO PAY MY OWN PART OF THE BILL. I AM DEAD!!!”. I wanted to know if that was what they discussed earlier since I saw the “I got it covered” text. She texted almsot immediately: “BABE, HE JUST PAID HIS OWN PART OF EVERYTHING WE HAD O. DUDE ISN’T JOKING O. WE ARE STILL DISCUSSING SHA BUT I AM PISSED!”. I asked if she had her vexation money with her, or her ATM card at least. She said she had something but she wasn’t sure about it covering her bill. LOL, STRANDED CITIZEN.

I texted “GOOD FOR YOU! LMAO! MEET ONE OF THE ATTENDANTS AND ASK THEM HOW MANY PLATES YOU’D NEED TO WASH TO COVER YOUR BILL. GOODNIGHT. DON’T FORGET TO SLAY AT YOUR NEW JOB”.

She texted “LMAO, BABE, HE SAID I SHOULD PAY MY BILL O. HE SAID I SHOULD LEARN TO BE INDEPENDENT LIKE THE FEMINISTS AND THAT IF I WASN’T ONE, I SHOULD ASPIRE TO BE ONE”. Now I was pissed. I was actually going to transfer money to her to pay me at a later date but no, this sort of bad behaviour had to be corrected.

I told her to keep discussing with him, that I was going to send a cab to her as soon as I could. It’s not fair you spring wicked surprises on unsuspecting people. How do you make somebody’s daughter leave her house after assuring her that you were going to cover her expenses only for you to tell her about being independent? Did she tell you that she wasn’t independent? Where’s your conscience at? It’s not fair you mess with people that way. Girls! Learn to carry cash with you if you must go on a date. If cash won’t fit properly into you chanel bag, take your ATM card with you! I advise cash the most. It’s nobody’s fault if you are stranded wherever now. Also, try not to eat more than you can pay for please. You’ve have to trust this person so much to do otherwise. If for nothing, take the cash for yourself. You could be stranded on the road or have to make unwanted expenses. Do you hear me???

Long story cut short, cab came and she left him there. I don’t know if he paid for hers or washed plates, we never followed up. It’s not like she couldn’t have paid her part of the bill to shame him , but abuse of privilege is bad. I have had to pay for a date I didn’t know involved splitting of bill. It was painful but I did it anyway. Why am I saying this? Just so you know that you can also pay for your part of the bill even if you were caught unaware.

Another story: I was at my cousin’s when one of her doctor friends called to ask if we were still up for a hangout (they had apparently discussed it before, and he knew my other cousin and I were in town). My cousin answered him in the affirmative. I mean, we had had a lazy day and were up for a hangout really. We ate well, had our bath and started to dress up by 8pm or so. I was done in ten minutes because I didn’t feel like make up. My other cousin used up her last concealer and foundation because face baking and slay queenliness, LOL. After many minutes, the doctor came to pick us from the estate. We went round town trying to find a good spot. We finally did.

P.S. I am laughing hard as I am typing this. I can’t even help myself right now.

The doctor came with his doctor friend, and they chose a spot for us to sit. A spot faraway from the spotlight. Somewhere hidden. My other cousin and I were worried that they probably had wives, but my cousin, the one we came with said they didn’t. So when it came to buying things for the table, problem started. Somehow, my cousin had to pay part of the bill (thank God for the grace to carry money around). The night just didn’t end well as we all couldn’t vibe with their naughty behaviours. To cut this one short, we got home and laughed at them and ourselves. This dude was supposed to pay for everything according to their agreement, so I will call this a wicked surprise that got truncated. End of story.

Obvious fact is that in most parts of the world, it’s mostly the men who asks out on dates. It is our own type of traditional where the man does the chase. Awesome feeling to be honest. At least that is how I feel. There are still women who ask out on dates, and who do the chase, don’t get me wrong. And it’s nothing wrong too. Different strokes for different folk. Just figure out what works for you, and be yourself in all. Don’t pretend to be able to cater for a date you can’t cater for because you are trying to prove a point. Say it on time, and shame the devil.

If you are one of those who believe in the “pay today for the first date while I pay for the second”, always try to understand the next person too. I cannot pretend to work with your upscale restaurant first date experience when my account balance is screaming buka buka . When properly understood, then you wouldn’t feel cheated.

I am traditional to an extent, but that doesn’t mean that I’d go to the movies with you without at least wanting to buy our bags of popcorns and carbonated drinks. It doesn’t. I feel comfortable that way knowing that I contributed. It’s not about not wanting to feel entitled. It’s not that. It’s an Ebere Mercy kind of person. Again, figure out your person.

In all, always ask beforehand about this bill thing except you are in a relationship. In relationships, I mean you understand each other to an extent and there are hardly awkward moments. You can always trust the next person to many extents, if it’s a truthful relationship.

This is definitely a long post.

Now to you, what do you think about this bill issue? Which have you experienced?
P.S. Thank you blog visitor Obiora for pointing me in the right direction. I finally updated my Jhene Aiko’s playlist. It was a long time coming. I am intrigued with Nasty C because of you, thank you.

Thank you Musah for blessing me with Sia and Bebe Rhexa’s songs. My best friend offer is still open though. The caption would read “Bestos for life” or something similar.

Thank you Miraa for the date you promised me in advance. Don’t spring wicked surprises on me. And please, reconsider the coldstone creamery part of it too. My love for you is big big.

Hey peopleee! How are you today? I am so sorry for not coming through on Friday. For those who checked up on me, thank you babies. I came through today because someone said I could drop two blog posts this week, and it sounded like a good idea. Expect another this Friday.

Thank you all for coming through always for me. God knows I love everyone of you on here. Don’t forget to be awesome always. Drink water too.

Jhene Aiko- Sativa feat. Swae Lee

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I am this way because of my zodiac sign

Sometimes I wonder what I would feel when my parents call me to say “Ebere, our bad but your birth month is March and not October like you’ve always thought. You were dedicated to the Lord in October, that’s why October”. Would I still have the presumed Libra traits or now become an automatic Pisces (that’s if I was born early March) or an Aries (late March)? Does it mean that I wouldn’t now be a sensitive Libra and now become an insensitive and adventurous Aries? Or an emotional Pisces?

I think about these random things sometimes. I don’t know if there are other persons who do same too? Hey babies, it’s another Friday on the blog. My dad and Magnus Domina (a fellow blogger) had to remind me it was another Friday. How are you all today? I hope you are fine today? You should be fine fine fine because my love for you all is enough to help you be fine no matter how down and negative you feel today or have felt this week. May you feel the kind of happiness I feel right now. Amen.

And no, I’m not a pastor. And I won’t marry one. Not even changing my stance on that one.

Back to the post…

Have you ever heard people say “I am this way because of my zodiac sign”? I don’t know if I find it annoying or not.

If you haven’t, I have. I have heard comments such as:

“I’m this unforgiving because I’m a Scorpio. Scorpios do not forgive easily. We are really good people until things go south”.

“I bottle up stuff and can be mega touchy because I’m a Libra. Since Libras like to maintain balance, they like being diplomatic, and as such don’t take sides, plus we don’t judge people, even though we can cut them off when necessary because we are petty much. I also have terrible mood swings, so don’t take them personal. I am also vain, materialistic and care so much about what I look like. It’s a Libra something”. (Don’t kill me please, I fall under this air sign, so I know quite alot).

“I’m adventurous and can’t stay with a partner for too long especially when they are not adventurous . I am Aries, that’s how we are built, and I’m not apologizing for being one”.

“I don’t bow to anyone. If I am not a leader, then you all would have to follow my lead still. I know that I can be insensitive with my words but it’s who I am and I like to be the centre of attraction. It’s just how Leos are configured, don’t take it personal”.

“I’m most times the emotional one amongst my friends, and they always take me for granted. I’m Cancer and people just take me and my emotions for granted”.

I could go on and on about these zodiac signs and not get tired. I think I started to get interested in them as early as I can remember; when my dad would after reading his newspapers tell me to read important parts to his hearing, with a dictionary in hand for words I couldn’t pronounce or knew their meanings. My dad taught me to pronounce the word “chore”, so you get my point, yes?

Whenever I was done reading, he’d give me all of them but somehow I would always start with the fashion pages, the features, articles, cartoons and then my HOROSCOPES. I was especially enthralled by Vanguard’s. I mean, the sign readings for that publication would tell you all you were going to encounter that day, that month and the year to come, for those who were born that day anyways. Like I already said, I was more in wonderment than shook-ed .

As a child, I wanted so bad to ask these persons if these events ever happened to them or to people around them. I wanted so bad to get hold of someone, anyone to ask them if these readings were real stuff; like if you were a Gemini who was born on May 28th, did your readings for the day come through? Or did you make them come through because your readings said so?

I grew up and forgot about zodiac signs and its siblings. What could have been more attractive than boys and male teachers, especially the science inclined ones, with their sexy way of pronouncing PHOSPHORUS? Nothing. At least then. Now, I’m only really concerned about food and sleep. And yes, obsessing over myself.

In my last year in school, I met a girl who was so interested in zodiac signs. Gemini girl. First decan Gemini. I went holidaying in my friend’s room for the first semester exams. She lived opposite my friend’s room. She talked Zodiac signs, I talked about them to her and we became fast friends that she would sleep in the room with my friend and me. And you know what? We would talk about these signs until after midnight. Sigh.

There was just something about her and these zodiac signs. It was more like a worship kinna thing: “I can’t date Ebuka anymore because he is Virgo and Geminis are not compatible with that sign, he’s just too monotonous and unemotional like his sign. He should take his perfectionism to the market and get buyers for it”… “I can relate better with you because you are Libra. I wouldn’t relate that way with a Leo because I enjoy the spotlight too. You know my sign is two-faced shey “… “See Nnenna, she walks so much like a Pisces, is she one”? “I thought Chidimma was a Sagittarius, she never behaves like a Pisces”… And on and on. She functioned this way and wouldn’t be friends with anyone in her sign cycle because stress to make them sync. For her, I shouldn’t eat certain meals because they are “UnLibra”. Lol.

So, I am a fan of these signs especially the ones that matter to me, but I don’t allow them define me. Leadership comes too easy for me, I don’t know how to be a tag along, my bad, and it isn’t an obvious Libra trait. I don’t like rose which is a Libra flower because it gives my nose the creeps. I love to dress for the gram, it’s either I’m better dressed than people in a party or we are at a par (disclaimer: It’s a Libra thing too, don’t tell no one, I mean if I had so much money to spare, I’d buy clothes, shoes, bags, make up, sunglasses etc everyday).

I know signs that my sign is compatible with. I know the ones I’m not compatible with. Both as friends and partners. This has never stopped me from giving some people the chance to be my friends until they prove that they are complete rats (I don’t like everyone and that’s the God honest truth).

Well, I’m more of an Ebere Mercy Aham kind of person than a Libra. And yes, most of the Libra traits define me totally, I can’t argue this, but I’m still my very person.

The question still remains : How about I was an Aquarius or Taurus or even a Capricorn, and just realized it this year while I was being a Libra all along?

I don’t know but it’s totally wrong to justify bad behaviours by blaming your signs.

Do you think people tend to behave like their star signs because it’s all natural or they try to fit themselves into what their sign says? What’s your sign? Do you behave like your sign? Do you even know your sign?

What are you doing this Friday? I feel like a sip of Spanish fly and a cuddle that would last through the night. In white sheets. White walls surrounding us. Strong, warm hands on my small black body. Hands with fingers. Hands with beautiful pinkies I can crush on forever.

I also feel like a slumber party with my girls in it. Booze and the rest. Then I’ll watch them get so high while I sip water from my flask.

I feel like the former more. Pinkies and all.

I want so many things. Maybe because it’s my birthday anniversary today?

P.S. There are definitely so many mistakes on this. I typed it in so much rush and excitement. Kindly send the corrections as a mail(ebereaham97@gmail.com) or send a message if you have my contact details. I really don’t like being corrected in public, lol. Call it a Libra thing, I don’t know.

Pree me – Burna Boy

Attraction has to be juju-laced

You do know what juju is. Yes, you do. Especially you. And you. And yes, you.

You do know what attraction is too.

Attraction is a JSS 3 me getting attracted to a boy in SS 2 , a boy with two half front teeth and deciding to take it that way because of course, I love half teeth. Who needs full teeth anyway? I mean, who even cares about them? Sigh.

Crushing on somebody is part of attraction, but attraction is a heightened crush mode. I hope you get the drill now?

You don’t still know why I said that attraction has to be juju-laced yet? No way are you that slow. No way.

If you have seen two persons in love before (the early stage anyway) or someone who is crushing on someone else, then you will get this attraction thing, and understand why I think it is weird and juju-laced.

Let me tell you a short story:

I was 15 with raging hormones and a special love for man. I had just written JAMB and WAEC and was waiting for the admission list that year. I met a boy. A model. I can’t even remember his name now. He was 23. We met at the first wedding I ever attended in my life, he was from the bride’s family. I saw him first actually and was already attracted to his height without seeing his face.

To be honest, I have always been attracted to height, maybe it has to do with me being on the small side and contending with a 5.6″ for life. Anyway, I was quite smaller than that then, and he was on some 6.5″ level. I was intrigued and knew that I wanted him to talk to me or me him. Either ways, there was going to be a talking to. I didn’t have to wait for long before he came to my side of the hall to say hi. Your girl went mad with joy, but her face didn’t read anything. He towered over me just the way I like it. Then he started talking. You know the drill already.

After the first sentences, I decided that our first child would get his height and be named Ella. I was already planning a family for us both in my head. Sigh. I mean, we would have been living at Banana Island if he had married me that year. Oh yes, at age 15. I had already picked out my wedding dress in my head, and his tux too. And how I was going to flip my hair five times when the “here comes the bride” theme song came up, while our walk would look like a fashion show runway’s.

Well, one thing I noticed throughout our discussion was the relationship between his ear and index finger.

He screwed his ear from time to time while admiring the dirty black-brown wax that came from every screw, with a lopsided smile. Ear wax had never been more sexy . The whole process of screwing his ear and looking at the dirt after some awesome 5 seconds was everything. P.S. I had a chronic Obssessive Compulsive Disorder then (everything and everyone was dirty).

Now, that’s attraction. I was ready not to care about his ear fetish no matter how much it bothered me, because ATTRACTION. He even wanted to sign me up for a modelling gig. I told him that I was never going to be ready for that kind of exposure but was ready to consider it because ATTRACTION. Tell me that isn’t juju-laced, and we would have to give attraction another meaning. I mean, I blocked someone on whatsapp yesterday because of his persistence for me to be a face model. The persistence was too heavy I even started to suspect foul play. I still need my head on my shoulder please. Sigh.

So with attraction, you see that you are willing to let go of some things. If you are someone like me with so many unwritten rules in your head, you’ll see yourself discarding them unknwoingly with ease. Not trying to body shame anyone, but I always told myself that I’d never have anything to do with anyone with a bulgy stomach. Me that is always working out to keep fit, I am not a stupid person, but you already know how these things work. The next thing you are very attracted to someone with a bulgy stomach and you even start fantasizing stuff you could do on that stomach. Oh my!

If you unconsciously go cold on people when they aren’t anymore in same physical environnment as yours, you might find yourself trying to make a distant-relationship work because ATTRACTION. If you hate answering your calls because you don’t understand the crave for wanting to hear other people’s voices instead of texting them, you might find yourself craving calls from the person you are attracted to. Your tolerant part that you think died a while ago would just resurrect faster than you can imagine. You might start finding alcohol interesting as a teetotaler. You might even start admiring dirty ear wax just like me.

You never know what until you are in the attraction corner. It is also good to know that being attarcted to someone doesn’t mean that you don’t have your brains in your head anymore. No, it doesn’t. It just happens.

Attraction is really not a respecter of persons. It does not care about creed, ethnic group, country, physique and many others things we consider a measure. It just happens.

Attraction has to be juju-laced.

Hey babies, that’s all for today. So what do you think about it? What have you had to forgo because ATTRACTION? Did it put you in a happy place?

Down to pleasantries! How are you all today? How are your different Fridays coming? Am I the only one that feels like Quilox tonight? Don’t forget to shine!

Meanwhile, this is me shouting out to my friend and blog visitor, Linda, who got engaged yesterday. I love you girl, and I wish you, hubby, and marriage all the best of God’s blessings. I’ll forgive you for choosing Paris over Zanzibar for your honeymoon. The audacity!

Also, happy birthday to Rozzay. You are one real person I have seen in this our world of many unreals. This is a special shoutout to you because you are a LIbra queen. God bless you honey.

juju – a French word for a spiritual belief system incorporating objects, such as amulets, and spells used in religious practice, as part of witchcraft in Nigeria. (source: google)

Christina Perri – Be my forever feat. Ed Sheeran

He’s married… I want my friend back

Heyyyy lovely ones.  It’s another Friday and I’m sorry for this late post.  To everyone who called and texted  to know when the blog post would be published today,  my love for you runs deep.  You all always have a way of making me feel loved. 

So we would be doing something different on the blog this Friday.  I actually had today’s blog post all planned for until someone I know hollered to tell me about a situation she was in,  and asked if I could put it on my blog because she wanted your opinions on this situation.  

I obliged the request because to an extent I know what it feels like to want to hear others talk about a particular issue bothering you. 

She says hi too. 

I’ll be sending screenshots of the messages.  I’ll also be typing it on here for the benefit of those who won’t be able to open the screenshot pictures.  

Let’s get started:


Hi Ebere, my story goes this way. 

I am against dating a married man. I mean, karma is a shameless bitch, but I don’t understand my situation anymore. I have this friend who is married. We been friends for two years and everything has been going on well. I have or had a boyfriend, but we fell apart due to our varying interest in things that are supposed to concern us. I have single guys all around, great guys, but I’m in a bad place right now and I don’t want to bring them into it. This married friend of mine has always been there. When I broke up with my boyfriend, that one tore me into shreds, he was always a shoulder to cry on. 

Recently, he has been giving me more attention than I deserve. I mean, the guy is married. He has a wife and she deserves all his attention. Things are going from bad to worse because he has asked me out already. I don’t want to date him, I’m not going to date him, I don’t want to judge him, I’m not a saint or anything.
His wife is beautiful and very intelligent. I can’t date him because he is married and yes, it is a big deal. The fact that I’m in a bad place doesn’t mean I should jump into a relationship with him. I don’t even want to talk about the apartment and other things. Is it possible to still be in touch with this friend of mine? The fact that he is becoming annoying doesn’t mean he is a complete jerk. I don’t want to ruin anything. Is there any piece of advice you can offer to help him love his wife more so I can have my friend back? Please, talk to me.

Hey readers,  she’ll be reading comments. Please let’s help her out.  She’s also a blog reader on here. 

Stay safe tonight. I love everyone of you.  ❤

Yeba 🎶 – Kiss Daniel 

Do I share my husband’s last name?

Hello sprinkles of stardusts!  How is the Friday coming?  How were the days before Friday? Stressful? Hectic? Lazy? Amazeballs? Mine were good days this week.  I could talk to someone quite dear to my heart this week after a rough last week, and that is what a good week is for me. Even though I have been real busy today, it is still a good day because ice-cream to help elevate moods since 1851 hasn’t gone into extinction.  

Straight to the point, do I share my husband’s surname? I don’t mean it like I’m married yet but let me break this into tiny bits.

You know how most of us grew up seeing our parents bear same last name, and it sounded all cute, and you were even passed down the name? Great! That last name is your father’s last name or his actual name, yes?  Great! I’m glad you’re getting a hang of it all.  

I don’t know what prompted this idea but I guess it goes down to the man being the “head of the home”. Something about a woman leaving her father’s house and moving into her husband’s house, so that they can make a family.  Yes, that.  If I’m to be petty, I’ll add that there are women who have been living by themselves, in their own apartments, before marriage, but petty isn’t what we need this evening.

It’s the 21st century and things are now changing, and some women want to retain their own last names.  These are for reasons known to them, but some of our XY chromosome creations aren’t ready for that kind of change.  I mean, they own you, they are the ones marrying you, the ones paying the outrageous bride prices, they are heads of the family and their own last names deserve continuation for generations over and over.  It’s alright.

For you as a female, would you share your husband’s last name? As a male, what would you prefer?

I know that you want to know what I think about it all.  I’ll tell you, you deserve to know.

For me, there’s nothing wrong with a woman bearing her own last name.  There is nothing wrong with her bearing her husband’s last name/first name.   There’s absolutely nothing wrong.  It’s just simple like sliced bread.  It’s a mutual understanding sort of thing. I have aunties who answer to their own fathers’ last names, and their husbands are cool with it. I don’t expect women who have recorded their names in the sands of time in their endeavours to change their names radically.  There is just this thing about identity that can mess with the psyche.  I prefer a Toke Makinwa to  Toke Ayida anyday.  If she ever decided to change her surname to Ayida, it would have been so hard for her fans to keep up.  Same thing for Chimamanda Adichie.

I would love to keep my last name, to be honest, or hubby and I could come to a compromise where we get to bear both names (his and mine) at the same time, after all we belong to each other and own each other.  Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m not sure I’m ready to relinquish my name yet.  All of these would still rest on mutual understanding because when you look at it closely, it is never really an issue except that society has awful unwritten ideals that everybody must live up to.  For example, my aunties are said to have bewitched their husbands to have allowed such “nonsense”.  The truth is that this lineage continuation thing is just in our heads, something we grew up accepting unconsciouly until we became legal.  For many persons, it sounds like two separated persons sharing same roof, yes?  Life is not as complicated as many of us think it is.  It is a “come to this life, live your life, and die when due” affair.

Our Children? They can bear the husband’s last name of course.  If we agree on bearing both last names, then they would bear both.  I am not saying that my husband would not deserve my bearing his last name, no, not that.  All I’m saying  is that I adore my own last name too.  Simple as burning your chicken. 

P.S.  It’s not a feminism thing for me.

Am I not worried that the children would think that  daddy and mommy are separated? No, I’m not worried.  Enlightened parents give birth to enlightened children.  You get my drift?

Tell us what you think, dear blog readers.  I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about today’s topic!!!  I’m excited really.

It’s another start of the weekend.  What are you doing tonight?  I’m going to the club to unwind, I need to dance and drink some booze,  be irresponsible, and then head to a spa for a much needed massage.  All of it would be happening in my head tonight.

Bye family.
Gaga Shuffle – 2baba

When are you actually broke?

You have probably seen broke people before or have been broke before.  

I am partly writing about this because it’s something I can totally relate with.  Most of my friends would not agree with this anyways because they always think that God throws money at me every morning.  Fact remains that my name is Ebere Broke Mercy.  Allow me bear my name in peace please.

The question is, when are you actually broke?

When I hear people talk about how broke they are, all I can allude it to is the legendary “how are you-I am fine” thingy.  People say they are fine even when they are not fine and not close to being fine in weeks.  So for me and the way I have viewed it the better part of the year, people say they are broke  when they are actually not, or even close to broke.

Being broke for me is when you don’t have cha cha.  You know that moment when your Diamond bank account reads N0.11k, and your First bank account reads N1,448.01K?  Now that’s now being broke, for me. A thousand naira that you cannot withdraw, is that one your possession? 

I know people who have been broke ever since I met them but somehow they always manage to wear the best of clothes, shoes, wristwatches, hairs, make up, jewelry; buy really sweet cars, furnish their homes to modern taste, take that trip, and still eat out on a daily.  Of course, some of these things have been in place already, but they still manage to get new ones despite the odds; I mean, being broke.

I am fully writing about this because of an event that happened last week.  

So it was sallah last week, and I started craving meat by 8 PM. Not exactly 8PM. Some minutes after it.  I have had sallah meat only once in my life, and that one time made me crave meat so badly I thought I was going to chew my hair, strand by strand if I didn’t have meat that night.  I could have gotten meat from anywhere, but there was a problem.  A big one, at that time. There was a particular one I had the previous day.  It was that one I wanted.  I don’t know what animal it came from but the man who got it for my friend and yours truly called it”libido serum”, lol.

I wanted libido serum that night.  Since I didn’t know where the meat came from, I had to call him to know how I could get it.  He gave me the directions but since yours truly lacks the sense for direction, none of it made any sense (I told you already that when I moved to my new house, I had  to take pictures of nearby landmarks before I was able to locate the house for two long weeks.  If I didn’t look at the pictures on my phone, it would mean me going round and round and round and wondering where “that path” disappeared to.  I don’t want to talk about the day my phone’s battery went flat on me). 

Back to my broke story , he offered to take me there with his car.  I offered to fuel his car for all of the troubles, and give him part of the libido serum- half of a  piece I’d have eaten from anyway.  He declined and said he wanted to get some for himself too even though he was so so broke  he didn’t have five thousand naira to his name.  Here, we go.

When  we got to the spot, I was glad I didn’t come by myself.  The place was jampacked and I couldn’t comunicate in “the language”.  I apparently wasn’t the only one who craved meat by 8PM.  I bought my two thousand naira worth of meat, paid the guys.  Six pieces of meat, with the kind of sauce Ycee sang about.  I thought man was in the same level as I was in the meat buying  until he told the  people preparing the meat to give him one worth eighteen thousand naira.  

Sigh!  

If Jesus could turn water to wine, who are you not to change five thousand naira to eighteen thousand naira.  I mean, who are you?  Weren’t you created in God’s image and likeness?  Ponzi schemes got nothing on you.  Man even bought bottles of spirit.  My soul was shocked, my face just refused to be shocked.

As we headed back, I munched on one half of a piece, and kept on checking it out until it remained the promised half.  I gave it to him.  And because I couldn’t mind my business on this one, I had to ask how he who wasn’t worth more than 5k a while ago was now worth some 18k and more? Man just said “Ebere, I am broke ehn,  my ‘brokeness’ no get part 2.  I am so so broke, this recession is just bad”.  He wasn’t going to answer my question, so I let it go. Now that Nigeria is out of her recession, you all would have to come up with something as better and convincing as the recession story.

There are many persons like this.  I have met a lot too.  All Nigerians.  I don’t know how it is done in other countries, but here in Nigeria, almost everyone’s broke.  It’s more like a ‘who’s more broke” garden party around here.  Everyone wants to believed to be poorer than the next person until it’s the “pepper-dem-gang-show-them-the-stuff-you-are-made-of” time.

What I also found out is that, being broke is quite a selective thing. Most persons are broke when it comes to things that don’t interest them.  When that things that tickles their fancy comes along, being broke flies out of the window, starting with the “b”.  It’s okay to be broke to textbooks when they don’t catch your fancy but buy that Movado wristwatch even if it means starving for days.  I think I’m starting to get a hang of this thing.

When are you actually broke? When you have no money for reals? When you have enough money but you just don’t have that extra toppings?  When whatever doesn’t tickle your fancy?

If I make so much money, I’ll call myself a certified broke lady when I can’t afford my travel and accommodation expenses for a trip, vacation, staycation, whatever it is, so far it involves hitting the road, air, sea, or rail.  If I can’t still afford my Zanzibar trip by 2020, then you all can just christen me Broke Ebere Broke.

When I cannot afford food, then I’m definitely broke, and it’s time to SOS.

For now, when I cannot afford my libido serum, then I’m definitely broke.

What is yours?  When are you actually broke?

It is our beautiful Friday again.  Do well to stay rested this weekend.  Don’t get drunk.

While you are striving at good weekend behaviours, can anyone tell me how to get my now 6 inches hair back to the 16 inches it was few months ago?

 
cha cha – at all at all

Keri Hilson – Knock you Down Ft. Kanye West

I’m a supreme downer 

I don’t know what title to give to this post yet.  Something might come up before I finish up, let’s see how it goes. 

Hey lovelies,  I wasn’t going to put up anything on here this Friday.  Why?  My computer where I have almost developed posts is in another state and I’m in another state.  Anyway,  my new friend,  Fred convinced me to just say something on here, no matter how short it is.  Plus,  you deserve a blog post today, 😘.

All I want to say is Hi. 

Today,  I’ve been feeling so off.  So so off.  My friends would say that it’s my mood swing messing with me.  Do you ever feel so off that you want to cry,  laugh,  scream,  hiss, sigh,  and probably punch someone or the wall, which is more likely.  All at once?

Again,  have you ever felt this way before?  What was it for you?  How did you tackle it?  

There was a time in my life when my mood swings were  on a 150 that my parents were going to put me up for adoption.  I’m not joking,  my mom told me this one day when I locked myself up for many hours.  I can’t even remember what it was then.  These past months,  I’ve been much of a happy person but today,  I’ve been a supreme downer the most,  trying with so much effort to make a decent conversation.  God help me. 

Enough of me,  I feel like an overgrown baby already.  Sigh. 

Again again again,  tell me about you and this kind of feeling? 

It’s Friday and I wish you the kind of fun I’m going to have tonight.  Make sure you have fun.   Make sure you do.  You should really do.  It’s a new month. 

:::I listened to Cardi B’s “Bodak yellow” not quite long ago.  I’m smiling because I remember how much I didn’t like it days ago. 

Bye. 

My bad,  happy sallah too. 

All I really wanted to say was Hi.  Sigh. 

Davido – Summer body Ft.  Olamide